How my collage applications are driving me crazy

by Nov 3, 2017Admissions, College, Stuck

Long Story Short,

Summer is over, school is ready to start, I am not. I’m a kid looking forward to high school but I’m truly freaked out. This new place hasd that I’m heading to is completely terrifying. Somehow I wish I was in Neverland with Peter Pan and not having to deal with all the stuff related to growing up.

Years went by–summer after summer, year after year–and now, summer of 2017 is over and I’m still in high school. But things have changed.

I’m a senior.

How does it feel?

So… How could I explain it? Maybe….oh well…. aah… no, that can’t be the right way to put it… It could be… well, days without sleep, nights working my ass off… That starts to sound like it…

The truth is that I don’t really feel a thing, have no time. So I keep processing my life like a robot. Should I be stressed? Maybe. Well, I’m not. I’m just floating on a weird cloud that just leads me around to my different classes and work.

Now I really wish I was a lost boy fighting the pirates for the rest of my existenceBut nop. Now I have to take one of the decisions that will lead the rest of my life.

I always thought I had my life all sort out. But I’m 17, I cannot have all my life planned, things change really fast, I change really fast. I studied 2 years of cinema, I had books about everything. My life was going in that direction, I had planned all my cinema career. I was really excited but, while I was in the States, I realized that maybe, just maybe, that was not my life goal

I started looking new college ideas and I opened my eyes. There were so many things I wanted to do and I felt for interior design. My idea was to study architecture, that felt like the right thing to do. But in the way, things changed again, and againand again, and again…

In Spain, when you are in 11th grade, you have to choose the first step for your major: Science, Social Studies, Humanities or Art. I wanted to do Architecture, right? Well, I chose Sciences but a month in my senior year, I did my junior year abroad so I chose my pre-major in Senior year, I decided that everything was a mistake and I changed it.

Now I’m in Social Studies and it feels better actually.

I don’t really know why I’m doing everything I am doing. I don’t know what I’m going to do next year. Am I going to the Neaderlands? Am I staying in Barcelona? Maybe Madrid? Or a gap year learning Japanese or French? How knows…

 I wish I had a book that said exactly what to do. I should trust myself and stop doubting my success. Maybe I should listen to all my old fairytales and keep going.

The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it.

-Peter Pan